The Revelation of John 22:21

Finished! That's right el completo! No not the violin. It's far from complete. We're talking me. I'm done! No more, nada, nunca or as the allies said after looking at the horrors of Hitler's death camps, never again! What was I thinking? It's a good thing we don't have a wood stove cause I've heard unfinished violins make great fire starters. You know Jane, we do have one of Dads' famous charcoal chimneys like you. I'll bet my violin would work just as good or better than newspaper. It sure would be more satisfying watching it smolder on top of the grill than some old piece of The Wall Street Journal. (I don't read the journal myself, I just have friends save the editorial section for me. Next to my violin nothing is better or more suitable for starting fires than it.) I've never been too big into reincarnation but am beginning to give the idea a second chance. It is quite conceivable to me that the spirit of Genghis Kahn and or Nero came back to life in the soul of Antonio Stradivari. He mastered and passed on the art of woodworking torture to his apprentices and all others to follow. With his passing and that of a few more centuries I think his spirit then came to rest on Joseph Mengele. I really do believe this to be true. If you had been through what I have been the last two weeks you wouldn't be laughing at this seemingly cockamamie theory!

People lately have been asking me how much more time until you're finished with the violin. I haven't had a good answer up until now because of the difficulty in estimating something I have never done before. But now it's easy. No estimating necessary. I can see the finish line because I'm standing on it. (That rib eye steak is going to be some extra delicious tonight!) My next project I've thought through a little better this time I think. It should be much simpler. Brain surgery. Any volunteers?

Since I'm all done I thought I'd pass along my notes and time sheet saved over the past few weeks. It might shed some light on my mental disintegration.
1. Made inside mold for sides and blocks. 10 hrs.
2. Cut and glued blocks to mold. 4 hrs.
3. Plane 2 spruce top pieces. 5 hrs.
4. Glue together improperly. 2hrs.
5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 after spending 2 hrs. cutting apart sections. 9 hrs.
6. Plane 2 maple pieces. 5 hrs.
7. Glue together properly because you are now a gluing genius. 2 hrs.
8. Cut and plane maple sides from 1.5 mm to 1.0 mm evenly. 5 hrs.
9. Heat and bend sides for gluing to blocks and mold. (Forget to turn off iron.) 3 hrs.
10. Call fire department. 30 sec.
11. Repeat steps 1-9 45 hrs.
12. Glue and clamp sides. 5 hrs.
13. Cut top and bottom sections on band saw. 3 hrs.
14. Plane smooth sides of two above sections. 6 hrs.
15. Bend and glue linings. 3 hrs.
16. Rough arching top and bottom. 16 hrs.
17. Cut groove for purfling. 8 hrs.
18. In lay and glue purfling improperly. 5 hrs.
19. Repeat steps 17 & 18 13 hrs.
20. Start grill! 20 min.

So there you have it. If my math is correct we are looking at 149hrs., 20 min. and 30 seconds of pure insanity. Since I'm about 1/3rd of the way done (if I were to continue) total time would be 447 hrs. and 41 minutes. (Deane, if you are reading this, this violin adventure is the J.G. of all J.G. jobs. We're talking the real deal here!)

On a lighter note, given the political transpiring of late and staying on message with the title of this blog entry, I now know the true identity of the "great Satan", Mr. 666 himself that John wrote about in Revelations. Over the past 15 years I've spent untold number of hours trying to create some mathematical formula that would solve the problem. I was sure that if you somehow assigned the right numerical value to the letters of the alphabet that the name Rush Limbaugh would equal 666. Well it never quite worked. All those years I was barking up the wrong tree. (Albeit a truly gnarly and twisted one.) The real identity was just revealed to me January 19th. Trust me the calculations all work out, they're just too long and complex to show here. Who is it? Come on you don't even need the formula if you live where I do or pay attention to national politics. It's Scott Brown, the senator elect from the once great state of Massachusetts!

Bill.