Genesis 2: The Business Model

In Genesis 1 we established that I don't like daily diaries which sometimes disguise themselves as blogs or certain on line "books" whose names I wont repeat again. Did I ever tell anyone that I don't do the yearly ones either. I thought so. In my old age I'm a lot like Dad. You're going to hear a lot of repetition in this thing. (What I wouldn't give to be able to hear him tell his stories over and over again a thousand times more!) If I did do those yearly things however, it might go a little bit like this.

In 2009 we (Custom Lawn & Hedges)mowed 1300 lawns, pulled 50 million weeds, raked another 50 million leaves, played forever it seemed in bark mulch, blew 15 inches of snow only to have a 40 mph wind blow it back in our face, and ate about 1500 donuts from the local bakery. That was the fun part! Did I ever tell you about the time Doug Folsom and I made sure to be the first patrons of the year at The Chatham Bakery (back when they used to close for the winter). We got there at about 6:00 AM one April morning just to get our hands on the first Square Knots (2 glazed donuts tied together to make one truly blissful cholesterol nightmare) of the season. In retrospect that accomplishment along with the words "he had good intentions" (another story vaguely referencing where you might find me after I leave this sweet earth) would be fitting material for my grave stone someday, Cal.

Does anybody really care so far? I rest my case. But all of the above minus the donut part leads me to the real topic of this tedious issue. "The Business Model". Most of us know that somewhere around 90+% of all new small businesses fail within a few years after conception. There are a variety of reasons; bad idea (making violins in one's basement), bad timing (55 year old closing in on senility),slothfulness (too much time sitting in the Bakery eating donuts) and perhaps most importantly, lack of capital. But that one I've got covered. Let me explain.

Way back in 1985 when I started my own landscaping business I was well aware of the "capital" issue. So I did what any self respecting lazy and broke young man would do in my case. Call Dad. I knew I had him in a soft spot because he hated it when I left the hotel business to go landscape for someone at a little over minimum wage. Starting my own business (even if it was still in the landscape field) would be a huge step forward in his eyes. So we sat down one day and worked out a little loan. Several years later in the mid nineties I went back to him once again with my hand out. This time however I had a different idea. I told him of my plans to really expand the business and that it would mean a fresh infusion of vast sums of dough. I convinced him that what I really needed was my share of the inheritance in real time. You know, before he left us all for the next place. Anyway we worked out a deal based on all of his investments in the mid 90s in the Dot Com world and what my share might be in 10 years or so with all the SURE growth. To make a long story short, I received a little over 600,000 Gs, sunk it all (well almost all, see two paragraphs below) into the business and now after 25 years of mowing lawns at 2 dollars a pop I am about to turn my first profit. My customers all love me, there are scores waiting in line to get on my list and I've never lost a single account. Who needs smarts. Persistence and lots of capital is really all it takes.

Sadly however, here is where the violin making business comes in. As we all know now the Dot com world fell a little short of expectations, and when my dear father passed away in 2001, his holdings were somewhat shy of the projected 600K times my other six siblings. This realization has been has been eating at me for the past nine years and thus the public confession (first time right here at blogspot.) In spite of my embarrassment, I do have a creed I'd like to pass along at this time. It goes something like this. "Always, always, always get yours before others get theirs. All too soon comes the time when the getting isn't had, but you on the other hand, HAVE ALREADY GOT!"

But lest you all out there think I'm some kind of lecherous,Limbaugh loving loser who would stick it to all his loving siblings, think again! Remember the whole purpose of this issue, "The Business Model". I have a plan to make amends and it has nothing to do with "trickle down" economics. I still have some of that inheritance stashed away that's all going into the violin business. And all the proceeds from the business until the day my fingers stop working are to be passed along to the other six. If I can sell a violin for $1000 and I have $950 into it (including a bow) I make a cool $50 smackers. It takes 150 hours to make one so that's about $.33/hr. Not bad huh. So lets do the math. 6 times 600K = 3.6 million dollars. That divided by $.33/hr. = 10,909,090.9 hours to repay. No problem, I'm on my way. If in a few years I jump up a notch to a different price point, say $4000 dollars a fiddle, and hire a few illegals to help me build them, you my dear brothers and sisters, get paid back all the sooner!

Always end on a bright note I always say. Well until then. Bill