Genesis 22

What a steak dinner this was going to be. I had the finest cut of rib eye I could get my hands on. The violin was nearby along with the charcoal chimney altar, all waiting for the imminent sacrifice. All of my frustrations would soon be lifted away; rising smoke and ashes would soon be filling my nostrils with the sweet aroma of revenge.The chopping block readied, the violin centered just so, I lifted my hand axe high over head to send that demon into splinter heaven. My right shoulder and bicep flexed firmly with delicious anticipation. I began the decent.

"Wait"!

It was a scene right out of one of Tiger Woods' playbook where he stops his driver midway on the downswing as some over anxious photographer prematurely clicks open the camera shutter. I looked all around but saw no one.

"You have shown true courage in your willingness to sacrifice that which once brought you true joy. Now bring no more harm to the work of your hands. Your faith will be rewarded. One day soon sweet music will pour out from every wood fiber of this fine instrument".

Those sure words were followed by a sudden stillness. The waif like puffs of wind ceased, the air bit even more sharply. But I didn't mind. My baby was spared and my way forward made straight. Just then I heard a faint rustling in the nearby shrubs. A small bunny peeked its head out and then made its way over to where I was standing next to the grill. It was shaking with fright, but resolute in its mission. I bent over, picked it up and held it over the charcoal chimney. Then I smiled, stroked it's tiny ears, walked over to the edge of the woods, bent back down and bid it godspeed back to it's mother.

Returning to my patio with a new sense of urgency, commitment and confidence, I picked up the daily paper, found "The Republican Response" to the State of the Union address, appropriately crumpled it up, lit the charcoal chimney and proceeded to have one of the most enjoyable dinners with my dear wife in memory.

Bill

Important footnote: A huge debt of gratitude is owed to my wife Cathy. The picture of me at the grill was taken weeks ago by her without my knowing. It was only after viewing it together that the idea for the above story took shape. To the extent that some of you might find this story of value, a little twist on something my sweet sister Jane started, then we have them to thank.

The Revelation of John 22:21

Finished! That's right el completo! No not the violin. It's far from complete. We're talking me. I'm done! No more, nada, nunca or as the allies said after looking at the horrors of Hitler's death camps, never again! What was I thinking? It's a good thing we don't have a wood stove cause I've heard unfinished violins make great fire starters. You know Jane, we do have one of Dads' famous charcoal chimneys like you. I'll bet my violin would work just as good or better than newspaper. It sure would be more satisfying watching it smolder on top of the grill than some old piece of The Wall Street Journal. (I don't read the journal myself, I just have friends save the editorial section for me. Next to my violin nothing is better or more suitable for starting fires than it.) I've never been too big into reincarnation but am beginning to give the idea a second chance. It is quite conceivable to me that the spirit of Genghis Kahn and or Nero came back to life in the soul of Antonio Stradivari. He mastered and passed on the art of woodworking torture to his apprentices and all others to follow. With his passing and that of a few more centuries I think his spirit then came to rest on Joseph Mengele. I really do believe this to be true. If you had been through what I have been the last two weeks you wouldn't be laughing at this seemingly cockamamie theory!

People lately have been asking me how much more time until you're finished with the violin. I haven't had a good answer up until now because of the difficulty in estimating something I have never done before. But now it's easy. No estimating necessary. I can see the finish line because I'm standing on it. (That rib eye steak is going to be some extra delicious tonight!) My next project I've thought through a little better this time I think. It should be much simpler. Brain surgery. Any volunteers?

Since I'm all done I thought I'd pass along my notes and time sheet saved over the past few weeks. It might shed some light on my mental disintegration.
1. Made inside mold for sides and blocks. 10 hrs.
2. Cut and glued blocks to mold. 4 hrs.
3. Plane 2 spruce top pieces. 5 hrs.
4. Glue together improperly. 2hrs.
5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 after spending 2 hrs. cutting apart sections. 9 hrs.
6. Plane 2 maple pieces. 5 hrs.
7. Glue together properly because you are now a gluing genius. 2 hrs.
8. Cut and plane maple sides from 1.5 mm to 1.0 mm evenly. 5 hrs.
9. Heat and bend sides for gluing to blocks and mold. (Forget to turn off iron.) 3 hrs.
10. Call fire department. 30 sec.
11. Repeat steps 1-9 45 hrs.
12. Glue and clamp sides. 5 hrs.
13. Cut top and bottom sections on band saw. 3 hrs.
14. Plane smooth sides of two above sections. 6 hrs.
15. Bend and glue linings. 3 hrs.
16. Rough arching top and bottom. 16 hrs.
17. Cut groove for purfling. 8 hrs.
18. In lay and glue purfling improperly. 5 hrs.
19. Repeat steps 17 & 18 13 hrs.
20. Start grill! 20 min.

So there you have it. If my math is correct we are looking at 149hrs., 20 min. and 30 seconds of pure insanity. Since I'm about 1/3rd of the way done (if I were to continue) total time would be 447 hrs. and 41 minutes. (Deane, if you are reading this, this violin adventure is the J.G. of all J.G. jobs. We're talking the real deal here!)

On a lighter note, given the political transpiring of late and staying on message with the title of this blog entry, I now know the true identity of the "great Satan", Mr. 666 himself that John wrote about in Revelations. Over the past 15 years I've spent untold number of hours trying to create some mathematical formula that would solve the problem. I was sure that if you somehow assigned the right numerical value to the letters of the alphabet that the name Rush Limbaugh would equal 666. Well it never quite worked. All those years I was barking up the wrong tree. (Albeit a truly gnarly and twisted one.) The real identity was just revealed to me January 19th. Trust me the calculations all work out, they're just too long and complex to show here. Who is it? Come on you don't even need the formula if you live where I do or pay attention to national politics. It's Scott Brown, the senator elect from the once great state of Massachusetts!

Bill.

Genesis 3.5: Intermezzo

If you are a major league pitcher and you have a 100 mph fastball, good hitters can still hit it out of the ball park. It's good to mix pitches sometimes, it keeps the batters guessing and overall makes for a better game.

My son is a senior in college. We talk almost every day. He really enjoys living life his way I think. When I was a college student I enjoyed myself immensely as well. I was an entirely different young man however than my son is now. It suited me. My son I believe is equally comfortable and content. That brings me great joy!

My wife and I work hard to live decently. She always has. I am learning as I go along. By some people's standards we live extravagantly. I consider our lifestyle yet to be simple. We are often apart; her job, my job, her sisters and friends, my friends. Still we share much. Like I said, we work hard to be decent people. She always has. That brings me great joy!

I don't travel much but I experience quite a bit in place. It seems even more so of late.

I am comforted by all these things. That brings me great joy!

Bill

Genesis 3: Watching Paint Dry

It's not exactly "paint" that's drying. I'm hoping to get this off in a few quick minutes while I'm waiting for the hide glue to dry on my violin sides or "ribs" as they are known in the business. After two weeks of intense bookkeeping and tax preparations for my landscaping business I'm officially back in violin making mode. I intend to spend the next six weeks in this gear before spring landscaping work resumes. With any luck I'll have a fiddle completed and another on the way. We'll see.

So today I'm gluing the ribs onto the blocks and hope to start working on the neck and scroll while waiting for more glue to dry. What are the blocks? And what about all the other stuff between "I think I'll build a violin" and gluing pork tenderloins to a child's toy? Well that's the problem you see. All that other stuff is so yesterday and I'm so over that. If you really want to know how to build a violin go buy three books, a four DVD instructional course, visit dozens and dozens of web sites, read just as many on line articles and then call me. Because that's what I did in 2009 and I still don't know what I'm doing. Seriously, this blog can't be a detailed tutorial because (A.)I don't have that much time. (B.) You really need to read that much and literally watch someone step by step and (C.) In case you haven't noticed it yet, and in spite of my disclaimers in Genesis 1, this blog isn't really about violins but rather an excuse for me to VENT!

Leaving aside all venting, sermonizing, philosophising and demonizing (see Limbaugh in Genesis 1 & 2) for the moment, as my good friend Deane would say "Let me give you the two minute summary" of violin making if that is possible. (By the way, Deane's two minute movie review is always at least ten minutes, but a ten minutes well spent I must say.) Okay, very briefly think of a violin in this manner. Top, bottom, sides, skinny neck, peg box with curly cue scroll, strings and bow. Now immediately eliminate strings and bow because I'm buying those. Lets start with the body (top, bottom and sides) first.

The violin body consists of a carved piece of very fine, and preferably well aged spruce (top), a carved well figured (flamed) piece of maple (bottom), connected together by six wafer thin curved side pieces of maple. Since the sides join the top and bottom together, you start with them.

Very important observation # 1. The sides are only 1 millimeter thick. (1/32"). They would collapse without support along the way. Therefore they are glued to six "blocks" not so big either. These blocks need a little help staying put themselves. Hence the "mold" (pictured at top). The six small blocks are temporarily glued to a violin shaped piece of plywood with lots of holes in it (to facilitate clamping). The wafer thin sides are glued to the blocks only. They are reinforced internally with an even lighter material. The bottom piece after it is carved (arched and scooped out) is glued to the sides, blocks and linings. The mold is removed and the top (after it is arched, scooped out, fitted with a sound bar (long thin piece of wood glued underneath) is glued to the reverse side of blocks, sides and lining. Add a couple funny looking f holes and a very fine sliver of purfling around the top edge and presto, you're done with the body. One hundred hours later.

Very important observation # 2. The neck, peg box and scroll are made from a single block of maple. No gluing allowed here. You start with a 15" by 2" by 1.5" piece of maple that weighs about three pounds and you proceed to eliminate about ninety nine percent of it. Very slowly; remember we are talking about rock hard maple. With any luck thirty hours later you're done with that. Attach it to the body, add a finger board (ebony), four pegs, four strings (at $25-$50 a pop), a bridge, a chin rest and a nice bow ($2000+). But wait we're not done yet. Did I fail to mention that every molecule on this rubrics cube twenty times over gets fifty coats of varnish. Okay I exaggerated a little. Try sixteen! Now you're done. Deane, was that a Bill two minute version or yours?

In Genesis 4 I'll hopefully show you where I am along this trail. But until then you might try your hand at something a little easier, like 18 holes of golf!

Bill

Song of Solomon

Oh to be in love again. What a rapturous feeling!

I know what you are thinking. How this guy gone mad. What will Cathy say when she sees this. And by the way whatever happened to the rest of Genesis, not to mention Exodus and quite a few other books in between.Well I told you in the beginning of Genesis 1 that some of this would be about classical music.

I am in love again and his name is Gerald Finzi. He was an Englishman who wrote classical music during the first half of the 20th century. Unfortunately he died early at about the age of 55 I think. I'm sure any classical music buff knows all about him and that's why I'm just now really discovering his music. I may love the genre but am a novice when it comes to the nuts and bolts of this field.

If you like early 20th century English classical music at all (Ralph Vaughan Williams, Edward Elgar, John Ireland and many others) please go to Amazon.com or some other on line music supplier and give Finzi a listen. If you are a succor for gorgeous romantic strings (Elgar's Enigma Variations) you will love Finzi's " Romance" and "Introit for Violin and Orchestra in F". I purchased an on line album that features his clarinet concerto, also beautiful, along with several smaller works including the two just mentioned.

I'm sure most of you know about Pandora.com, the on line radio station where you get to customize the music you want to hear. I highly recommend it to those unfamiliar with it. It can be free if you don't mind a million ad interruptions. I suggest paying them the $36 for a full year of uninterrupted music. I have several "stations" already customized (2 romantic era classical, 2 Jazz, 2 George Winston type,and an Renee Fleming Opera). If any of you want to listen to them send me your email address and I'll put you on the share list.

Next time Genesis 3. Bill

Genesis 2: Footnotes

Some explanation might be useful to readers unfamiliar with my style of writing or that lone person out there who somehow stumbled across this piece of insanity with no knowledge of my background altogether. I write freely, weaving fact and fiction together with a sense of carefree ease. There may be a good amount of truth telling within the general frame work of the piece being written, but I will never be constrained by actual facts or events to tell a story. So I write this not to clear my own reputation but to set straight someone's I hold dearly.

My father would never have invested in the dot com. world. He never really liked the blue chip investments either. He may have had some holdings there, but really considered all of it gambling. He was extremely generous to all of us, my mother, his seven children and his close friends. The last loan I remember accepting from him was a free college education for which I'm sure I never thanked him enough.

Genesis 2: The Business Model

In Genesis 1 we established that I don't like daily diaries which sometimes disguise themselves as blogs or certain on line "books" whose names I wont repeat again. Did I ever tell anyone that I don't do the yearly ones either. I thought so. In my old age I'm a lot like Dad. You're going to hear a lot of repetition in this thing. (What I wouldn't give to be able to hear him tell his stories over and over again a thousand times more!) If I did do those yearly things however, it might go a little bit like this.

In 2009 we (Custom Lawn & Hedges)mowed 1300 lawns, pulled 50 million weeds, raked another 50 million leaves, played forever it seemed in bark mulch, blew 15 inches of snow only to have a 40 mph wind blow it back in our face, and ate about 1500 donuts from the local bakery. That was the fun part! Did I ever tell you about the time Doug Folsom and I made sure to be the first patrons of the year at The Chatham Bakery (back when they used to close for the winter). We got there at about 6:00 AM one April morning just to get our hands on the first Square Knots (2 glazed donuts tied together to make one truly blissful cholesterol nightmare) of the season. In retrospect that accomplishment along with the words "he had good intentions" (another story vaguely referencing where you might find me after I leave this sweet earth) would be fitting material for my grave stone someday, Cal.

Does anybody really care so far? I rest my case. But all of the above minus the donut part leads me to the real topic of this tedious issue. "The Business Model". Most of us know that somewhere around 90+% of all new small businesses fail within a few years after conception. There are a variety of reasons; bad idea (making violins in one's basement), bad timing (55 year old closing in on senility),slothfulness (too much time sitting in the Bakery eating donuts) and perhaps most importantly, lack of capital. But that one I've got covered. Let me explain.

Way back in 1985 when I started my own landscaping business I was well aware of the "capital" issue. So I did what any self respecting lazy and broke young man would do in my case. Call Dad. I knew I had him in a soft spot because he hated it when I left the hotel business to go landscape for someone at a little over minimum wage. Starting my own business (even if it was still in the landscape field) would be a huge step forward in his eyes. So we sat down one day and worked out a little loan. Several years later in the mid nineties I went back to him once again with my hand out. This time however I had a different idea. I told him of my plans to really expand the business and that it would mean a fresh infusion of vast sums of dough. I convinced him that what I really needed was my share of the inheritance in real time. You know, before he left us all for the next place. Anyway we worked out a deal based on all of his investments in the mid 90s in the Dot Com world and what my share might be in 10 years or so with all the SURE growth. To make a long story short, I received a little over 600,000 Gs, sunk it all (well almost all, see two paragraphs below) into the business and now after 25 years of mowing lawns at 2 dollars a pop I am about to turn my first profit. My customers all love me, there are scores waiting in line to get on my list and I've never lost a single account. Who needs smarts. Persistence and lots of capital is really all it takes.

Sadly however, here is where the violin making business comes in. As we all know now the Dot com world fell a little short of expectations, and when my dear father passed away in 2001, his holdings were somewhat shy of the projected 600K times my other six siblings. This realization has been has been eating at me for the past nine years and thus the public confession (first time right here at blogspot.) In spite of my embarrassment, I do have a creed I'd like to pass along at this time. It goes something like this. "Always, always, always get yours before others get theirs. All too soon comes the time when the getting isn't had, but you on the other hand, HAVE ALREADY GOT!"

But lest you all out there think I'm some kind of lecherous,Limbaugh loving loser who would stick it to all his loving siblings, think again! Remember the whole purpose of this issue, "The Business Model". I have a plan to make amends and it has nothing to do with "trickle down" economics. I still have some of that inheritance stashed away that's all going into the violin business. And all the proceeds from the business until the day my fingers stop working are to be passed along to the other six. If I can sell a violin for $1000 and I have $950 into it (including a bow) I make a cool $50 smackers. It takes 150 hours to make one so that's about $.33/hr. Not bad huh. So lets do the math. 6 times 600K = 3.6 million dollars. That divided by $.33/hr. = 10,909,090.9 hours to repay. No problem, I'm on my way. If in a few years I jump up a notch to a different price point, say $4000 dollars a fiddle, and hire a few illegals to help me build them, you my dear brothers and sisters, get paid back all the sooner!

Always end on a bright note I always say. Well until then. Bill